Guide For Cougar Women Dating Younger Men

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Younger men dating cougar women dating are becoming more ordinary and conventional these days. For cougars, dating younger men can be more appealing than dating men of the same age. Younger men can offer them an exhilarating ride at the outset of their dating relationship. To be properly guided, here are some useful tips:

The Maturity Level
As commonly said, age does not determine maturity. It will always depend on the life experiences, there are some younger men who have had to grow up faster. In effect they have gained more wisdom and insight. However, if you are only after for a casual relationship, the maturity level of the male may not matter.

Spontaneity
because of their age, younger men may still want to explore and find out who they are before settling down. They tend to be very spontaneous which is quite appealing to the older woman. Their adventurous nature can attract women who think that exploring life together offers excitement especially in the new season of your life.

Matches Your Expectations
It is better to figure out your relationship expectations before you start dating. It is important not to be afraid to voice what you want. It is through understanding each other in the beginning that frustrations and heartbreak can be prevented later on in the relationship. Also in early dating stage, find out what he wants from the relationship.

Same Energy Levels
A lot of younger guys do a lot of social things during the week. However, in the event that you cannot keep up, you need to find a guy that is more your speed. Also, tell him the social things you like to do. Always remember that you do not need to do things just to compete with younger women. You need to be yourself and let him enjoy all the things he likes about you.

Do not be His Mommy
The tendency is that younger men are cougar women dating as a mother type. They may easily fall for you since he may appeal to your nurturing side. It is important to watch out for the early signs in order to avoid this type of men for he may not look at you as a confident woman who can contribute to the relationship. You already raised your own kids so you would not want to raise another one.

The cardinal rules of threesomes

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They always say three is a crowd, but it is also a party. One could assume the same could only apply for the ménage à trois, right?

Although a tantalizing threesome in bed tops many men’s fantasies, the communication culminating to the romp is key. Communication before this tremendous trifecta is important for all parties involved, even if there is not an established couple involved. Laying down the rules, or the do’s and don’t, can prevent this session from going limp or feelings of jealousy, insecurity or guilt from erecting. Trusting your partners is key. Let them know your limits and desired outcomes. For some couples, it is common to feel uncomfortable allowing someone else to kiss, orally pleasure or penetrate their partner. If this is the case, everyone must respect the rules for success. Once communication is established, the lovers involved can better navigate through the sea of lust without sinking ship.

It is easy to concentrate most of your time on the most desired partner (or significant other), but this is a mistake to avoid. Your partners want to please each other just as much as they want to please you, so be generous. Set aside romantic feelings and keep your hands, mouth and whatever available/willing orifices busy at all times. The addition will change the dynamics of sex, so it’s key to look at this love pile as a cycle that comes full circle.

As lovers, we are inclined to want to pay as much attention to whomever we are currently laying, but stay focused on pleasing both partners at once. If you are busy receiving, make sure you are actively giving in some form. The extra stimulation could lead to early results.

Drinking your way into bravery is not suggested. Not only will you be overwhelmed with the extra two legs, arms and other erotic areas, but quality intercourse does not happen after ten shots of Jose Cuervo. Have a few drinks to loosen up, but keep it minimal, you do not want this potentially exciting experience to end without your inhibitions in tact. Also, nothing is less salacious than holding someone’s hair on the bathroom floor after a failed group ride.

Stay open-minded to the experience. This might seem obvious to someone who is experimental or curious enough to conquer this endeavor, though, allowing yourself to enjoy sensations you might not have enjoyed before will broaden your sexual identity.

Noob to lube? Read up

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One minute you are white water rafting in the seas of lust and the next, you hit Sahara desert status. You and your partner are head deep in hot, sweat-induced euphoria and want to seal the deal, what do you grab? If it is not lust by the reigns, you will (hopefully) grab some type of personal lubricant. However, with a market full of different flavors, sensations, compositions, brands and objectives, who really knows what bottle of water works you can turn to?

Easy. No, you’re not easy, but the decision can be just as.

First, pick a composition. Personal lubrication is made from water, oil, silicone or petroleum-based products.

Oil and petroleum-based lubricants can cause latex condoms to deteriorate before due time, or even worse, during your mattress sesh. These types of lube are long-lasting and perfect for shower sex. Oil-based lubes can also double for great massage oils. For feisty foreplay, try a new one from KY’s Yours and Mine Kissable Sensations.

Silicone-based lubricants can often feel sticky to the touch, be difficult to wash off your skin and stain your sheets. It will, however, leave your body feeling extra smooth and is an option for the long-term riders. Try Wet Platinum, which boasts of being the highest-grade silicone, non-drying and moisturizing. If you or your partner is into dressing in latex or leather, this silicone solution will even buff and polish these fabrics.

If you want a composition that will slide you into home base every time without irritation, stained sheets or stickiness, always opt for a water-based solution. Remember if your slippery solution is not water soluble, washing away the excess and lingering bacteria can be more difficult. Steer clear of any water-based solutions that contain glycerin, a sweet-tasting lipid found in some lubes, as these sugars can cause a yeast infection. Try Astroglide Natural, which is infused with xylitol (a naturally occurring sugar derived from corn that increases white blood cell count to fight bacteria), aloe vera, Vitamin C, Vitamin E and chamomile. This formula is glycerin, alcohol and fragrance free and will feel as natural as the birds and bees.

The price of Independence

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Women’s magazines and best-selling authors alike will be fast to suggest many places to snag a man ready to wine and dine you. But I am here to tell you, for some women, the location could not matter less. I am one of those women. I might not have went so far as to have relocated to Boston, which 53.6 percent of the men are unmarried according to the U.S. Census Bureau. But I have positioned myself (sans friends) in all of the hot spots and I still lack my flock of eligible and egalitarian men.

I could have thrown my hands up by now. In fact, if it not for my friends reminding me that it truly is not me, I would have. Looking back at my faulty and seemingly failed relationships of the past, I see that I am not attracting the right kind of guy and not frequently enough attracting any sort of guy. Why? My friends answer, “Because you are intimidating.”

I have zero intentions of warding off men. I display positive and approachable body language. I do not monger with fifteen of my closest (and prettiest) friends and even will initiate conversation when I see a stare settle my way. What is it I’m doing wrong?

After asking a pool of my male friends, I was unanimously told I possess an aura of confidence that includes an unyielding mouth to tell it like it is. Some described it as off-putting at first. But one friend told me I simply exude a strong sense of independence, security in my skin and strength as a woman. Another flat out confessed it is because a guy can tell early on that I am intelligent and not an easy lay. Is my strength and confidence the reason why men do not approach me?

Is a strong and successful woman off-putting to a strong man? Maybe so. Consider celebrity and mega-mogul, Martha Stewart, who ended her 28-year marriage at the height of her professional success. Or consider Oprah Winfrey, who has been with her beau Stedman Graham for 14 years, with no marital bliss avail. What exactly is going on here?

Although I cannot compare my successes to that of Stewart’s or Winfrey’s, I can draw my own conclusion here. If being too strong or too independent and exuding confidence is what keeps the men at bay, I would rather keep it to myself and do things my own way. Man or no man, I will still be here for number one. I know my worth, and maybe they know that too and stay away.

Bring yoga into the bedroom

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Try out a yoga class. According to a study by the University of British Columbia, male and female partners who actively take yoga classes and embrace the Zen lifestyle have more satisfying sex lives.

Not only will the downward-facing dog be a lusty addition to the romp, but poses like it induce a sense of mindfulness and concentration. This contentiousness or centered state of mind will help increase your chances of climaxing.

Doing yoga will help you relax and give you the ability to be harmonious and able to concentrate on simply making whoopee, instead of worrying about other menacing facets of life. Even changing the pattern of your breathing during intercourse to a more Zen-esque notion can bring big change. Try taking deep, fast and even forceful breaths through your nose during foreplay to accentuate a breath of desire you have not witnessed yet. If your partner is not too concerned with it sounding like you are mutually hyperventilating, incorporate their breathing for a tantric climax together. This is the first building block to incorporating Kama Sutra type practices into your romps.

To increase your flexibility, try sitting down on the floor with your feet together. Press your hands on your ankles and allow your knees to relax to the floor while you lean forward. This will open, stretch and strengthen your pelvic muscles for a wider range motion and control during positions such as missionary.

Simple exercises such as this will allow you and your partner to breathe, sweat and move together in tandem bliss. Embrace this mutual exploration. Sexual satisfaction comes from trying new things and inciting new desire.

The Rec Center offers yoga classes 16 times a week at various times throughout the day for men and women. The classes last for 50 minutes and often include poses such as the Fab Five. Traditionally, Fab Five uses Pilates poses to help build lean muscle, stamina, flexibility and greater toning of the muscles.

Denying responsiblity sends relationships into a nosedive

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All of you lying, cheating, dead-beating, two-timing double dealers are off the hook, if you follow the conceptions of psychologist and marital therapy researcher John Gottman, who argues infidelity is the symptom of a failing relationship, and not the cause of the initial issues.

Not only would country singers Patty Loveless and Carrie Underwood beg to differ, but psychologists, researchers and anyone with a sense of self-actualization would argue this theory takes the responsibility of the behavior from the cheater and dumps it onto the cheated on.

Researchers Melissa Tafoya and Brian Spitzberg compiled 47 differing investigations of over 58,000 partners (most married and from the U.S.) in 2007, and concluded 21 percent of women and 32 percent of men admit they have had an affair.

Even though most participants agreed they do not have sexual intercourse with these extra partners after they seal the knot, one out of five admitted to breaking that marital sanctimony. That’s a lot of infidelity to write off as being solely the symptom, instead of addressing the behavior, why it happens and establishing what type of people are more likely to behave in this way.

Chronic cheaters are characterized by their fearful attachment style, which denotes being anxiety-ridden of rejection, developing a mistrust of others and suspicion of their partners’ loyalty. In fact, those who perpetrate infidelity are more likely to perceive wrongdoings and disloyalty in their partners than partners who are monogamous and loyal (the “I’m doing it, so they must be, too” mentality).

Partners who cheat as habit are likely to be outgoing, attention seeking and flirtatious or manipulative and insatiable. Men are more likely to cheat, as they traditionally hold more positive attitudes toward casual sexual activity (more open sociosexual orientation) and often seek sexual variety, whereas women seek extra emotional connection and validation. This is not to say all men are dogs and women are chaste, it is just to say these are the statistics demonstrating sex differences.

Gottman fails to identify that even though infidelity can be a reaction to a failing relationship or marriage, participating in sex outside of a relationship is commonly the reason for aforementioned problems to even surface. According to nationally-recognized family therapist Gary Newman, the reason men cheat on their wives and partners is not to seek a prettier, younger, more sexually charged or a fit partner.

In fact, 92 percent of men that Newman polled who are currently engaging in infidelity stray to fulfill an emotional void. These voids are most often feelings of disconnect from their partner or feeling under-appreciated or not admired.

Not addressing these voids and emotional inadequacies within relationships is folly and even more irresponsible than not taking responsibility for infidelity and its consequences. Psychologists like Gottman should be teaching clients to become more self-aware and take action for their misdoings, and not validate attribution to the faulty relationship that lead up to that lusty night outside of the relationship. Take accountability for your negative contributions to your relationship and, over time, your partner is more likely to begin seeing your positive contributions once again.

Infidelity is not the end all always, but denial is.

Friends with benefits: worth the hassle?

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Friends with benefits are like condoms: convenient to have around, but easily broken and are later thrown away.

It is more acceptable to partake in nonromantic and noncommittal relationships than ever before, according to Peggy Giordano, a sociology professor at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, who studies the sexual behavioral patterns of
young adults.

In a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior journal, 66 percent of
participants revealed they have engaged in a FWB relationship. The study revealed that the main advantage of these unconventional unions is the lack of commitment (59.7 percent) and having intercourse (55.6 percent).

When the romance is sans the wine and dining, the expectations for fidelity is forgone.
This is where conflict breeds. Approximately half of the students admitted to having bouts
of uncertainty while FWB, however nearly three-fourths said ground rules and
expectations were never discussed. Of the related stresses, 65.3 percent reported anxiety
over developing feelings and 28.2 percent worried they would ruin the preexisting
friendship.

By exercising total honesty and straightforwardness, these issues could work in
your favor and help you and your partner maintain the friendship that came to be FWB. Be
honest about any other sexual partners you have and anyone you are seeing, as
these can be points of contention. Be up front about your expectations and make ground
rules if needed.

An advantage of having a trusted sexual partner is the ability to explore your
sexuality, fantasies and desires, without being judged or left with the empty feeling after a
one-night stand.

Take comfort and guilty pleasure in knowing your lover so well. Not only
will conversations about contraception, fidelity and needs come easier, but they’re more
likely to understand and cater to your needs and wants.

This type of honesty and open conversation will strengthen your relationship and friendship in the long run.

Try new things and incite your frisky side. Have your partner tie you up in some light bondage with inexpensive nylon rope or a silky tie. Try the police officer role-play you have been dying to do. Buy a whip or paddle and show your good friend who really is boss.

Do the deed in some unexpected places.

Being FWB is about seizing the moment and taking control of your cravings. Explore new boundaries together within the confines of your relationship; after all, many would argue you have the best of both worlds — dessert without the extra hassles.

Take a time-out to diffuse relationship tensions

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Some people inevitably have beef.

Take Sammi and Ronnie from “Jersey Shore,” their volatile relationship and consequently his tirade on her beloved designer shades and their shared bedroom. If that wasn’t heated enough, take Charlie Sheen and the never-ending saga of Charlie and Alan Harper in “Two and a Half Men.”

Every duo, relationship or group is bound to have some tumultuous times, but the bottom line is, you don’t have to perpetuate it.

Take a breather, man. Contemplate a few of these tips.

Monitor your physiology, suggests “Sexual Fluidity” author Lisa Diamond. She argues that couples often get so involved and consumed in an argument and forget to breathe. If you feel your heart racing and your palms palpitating, take a series of deep breaths. If your eyes are ablaze, close them and just take a moment to yourself. Such a small behavior seems petty, but it can make a profound difference in the outcome of your spar.

When things begin to become heated, take a half-hour break from your beau and revisit the issue afterward. Studies shows this is ample amount of time to clear your head and provide clarity to the situation at hand. Revisit the conversation after the time apart.

Never, and I mean never, go to bed mad. Hash out everything before your head hits the pillow and you will wake up feeling much better. Engage in some residual angry sex while you’re at it and follow it up with some mushy gushy pillow talk. For
an extra hot-headed morning, start a steamy shower for two and take turns with the loofah and pleasure. Rinse and repeat.

Sometimes when you are on your toes in defense, the last thing on your mind is humor. However, adding a funny anecdote to interrupt the conversation can easily defuse the tension. Find something funny in your situation. If you can’t find anything
funny, trip and fall. I mean that. Inciting laughter will jump start endorphins in your brain, which will give both partners a time to compartmentalize what is really going on. The seconds spent laughing will remind you that, yes, you do love and enjoy each other, otherwise you would not be so heated, right?

Avoid accusatory statements beginning with “you” or “you never” and replace them with “I feel” statements. When combined with a calm and soft voice, this is a surefire way to diffuse an argument before it fuses into something hotter.

For an added bonus, enforce positive body language; stand with your shoulders and knees facing them and avoid sighing or rolling your eyes.

An argument is not the time to kitchen sink, or simultaneously bombard your partner with problems. It is the time to reevaluate each other’s feelings and consider how your behavior affects those around you — which is sometimes the most difficult
thing to realize in the moment.

When engaged in an argument, it is almost always easier to play the blame game and point the finger away from yourself, but refrain. Assigning blame leads to more conflict. More conflict leads to less satisfaction and sex… and wait, does anyone want
that?

Empathize with your partner. Sure, leaving the toilet seat up is annoying, but take the time to consider why you partner might behave in this way. Have they been stressed or distracted? Take extraneous changes in environment into consideration, because you are, after all, on their team.

Intimate partners are inclined to be the closest bond in your life, so take a few moments and realize at the heart of this argument, you are fighting for a better understanding of each other.

How to dump your emotional baggage

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Getting the right support

As the old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved and at different times in our lives we are going to need to talk to someone to help us through a tricky patch. For most of us this comes in the shape of family and friends but not everyone is lucky enough to have a close network. Even if you do there might be some things you really don’t want to discuss with them because they are personal, painful or embarrassing.

There are support groups for almost everything – parenting, depression, bereavement, cancer or you can opt to have some one-to-one counseling around a particular issue.
Whatever it is you are struggling with it is always better to talk it through with someone rather than try and deal with it on your own. Some helping agencies like the Samaritans also run an email support service so you don’t even need to see someone face to face to get support.

Work it out
Emotions are energy in motion in the body and the best way to release them is to get active. As tempting as it might be to duvet dive you will actually feel much better if you do something physical – running, swimming, cycling, walking are all great ways of clearing your head.

If you are angry about something it is really therapeutic to bash it out, punch a pillow, knead bread dough or go boxing. The heels of the feet are great energy release points so stamping or having a toddler tantrum (in private) work really well. When anger isn’t worked out it will come out sideways making us irritable, unreasonable and touchy and if left unresolved it can turn into depression.

If getting physical isn’t your thing you could get creative, you could draw, paint, write or sing. If you used to be creative and have stopped picking it up again can really help you get back to your old self, if you’ve never tried it before it could be the start of a new hobby.

Transform It
Sometimes the past can be like a big stick we use to beat ourselves up with and we are filled with regret or shame because we think we should have known better or should have done something differently.

We cannot change the past but we can learn from it. Look at how your experience has changed you. What have you learned as a result? How have you grown? If you had a friend who was going through something similar what advice would you give them?

Look at your past. Even if you were the victim of someone else’s actions roll the film back and see if there was a point where you could have made a different choice?

Blaming and hating someone else only leads to feelings of bitterness and powerlessness which can harden over time, these are unattractive qualities in a person no matter how justified the cause. The only way to stop blaming is to see what you could have done differently. Blame only ties us to the pain.

Hurt people go on to hurt other people, seeing someone who hurt you in this way can help you to let go of the pain. It’s not about saying that what they did was OK but about releasing the feelings from inside you.

The End
Sometimes we carry things with us simply because they didn’t have a proper ending. Maybe someone left us or died, maybe we were the victim of a crime but there was never an arrest. When this happens we can be left with a washing machine head that plays the situation over and over again as we try to work it out, but we never can.

In situations like this we can create an ending ourselves in a number of ways. We can find all the photos and things that remind us of that time or person and either put them away in a box, if they are precious memories, or burn them or throw them into the sea if they are painful.

If we have nothing physical to do this with we can write it out beginning every sentence with ’I remember’. Keep writing until you have written out everything you remember about that person or event and then let it go as above.

No matter what has happened in your past the one thing you can change is your perception of it and through doing that you can release yourself from any amount of emotional baggage.

Three’s a crowd

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Some people have become seriously addicted to their mobile phone and break out in a nervous sweat when they think they can’t find it or are asked to turn it off, only managing to turn it onto vibrate in case they miss something.

There are increasing numbers of people complaining that their partner’s phone has become like an intruder in their relationship. If someone’s attention is always drifting away or the little reminder noise goes off when you are getting intimate or you feel that they talk more to random strangers on Twitter than they do to you then it will eventually become a problem in your relationship.

Be considerate
If you are on a first date then it is sensible to have your phone with you but don’t let it be visible or audible. It’s not a good idea to have it on the table in front of you constantly flashing or pinging you news of everyone else’s business.

Studies have shown that non-verbal communication accounts for about 80% of our interaction with each other and inattention is the biggest block to developing healthy relationships. There is something really wonderful about being with someone who gives you their full attention, listens to what you are saying and are attentive, engaged and interesting. As soon as that phone is on the table all of that seems to go and you know your date isn’t really fully present to you any more.

Free time
Whether you are dating or not it is healthy to have some time in each day when you aren’t connected and, if you can manage it, even a whole weekend once in a while. Much as social networks have their place in modern society there is a danger that many of our basic needs for connection, friendship, communication and even love are being met virtually.

In general we don’t phone or go to see people we care about as much as we used to because we get constant status updates which make us believe that we know what is going on with them. Often now when you see someone after a long time and you start to tell them some exciting development in your life they say, ‘Yes, I know I saw it on Facebook.’ The reality is that we are missing out, we may feel more in touch but in a real sense we may be less in touch than ever before. Try to ensure that you maintain a balance of personal contact with virtual contact, there is nothing quite like seeing your friends and family in person and if that isn’t possible a phone call gives a more real connection.

In a new relationship try to keep your communication in person as much as possible, texting cute messages of love is great but remember not to try and deal with difficult emotional issues by text as they can be mis-read.

Have a private life
Some people feel compelled to share every detail of their lives in their social network statuses but when it comes to relationships you need to be very careful about this. There is something very distasteful about seeing a couple row or split up on Facebook. A good rule of thumb is don’t put anything on there that you wouldn’t feel comfortable standing on a stage and sharing with a crowd of people, some of whom you might not know very well. Keep your private life private and if there is something you need to share with your friends go and see them or pick up the phone.

When dating someone your aim is to build a sustainable connection and posting every move you make together is not the best way to go about it. Leave the phone at home, or on silent out of sight and enjoy the real human thrill of getting to know someone new.

When you feel you know someone well enough that you want to invite them to be your social network ‘friend’ sitting together looking at your photo albums and interests is much more intimate and personal than letting them trawl through your profile on their own.

You may meet the love of your life online but be careful not to lose them because of your compulsion to stay connected to your virtual world.